I'm thankful to still have him. Thankfully there was minor damage, but it was still enough to change his life forever. The stroke created a loss of feeling/sensation on one side of his body, and it affected his short term memory.
He's a strong man and to this day refuses to show weakness. He may not be able to work due to his ailments, but he sure won't sit on his butt at home. Day in and day out he keeps himself so busy to the point of exhaustion.
In his mind, he is still the same man from a year ago. He can keep himself as busy and perform the same habits. To keep him from a repeat stroke he was put on Coumadin (seriously strong blood thinner, so strong he has to watch certain things he eats and be tested at least monthly). If he so much as hits his head he is supposed to go into the doctor to check for bleeding. He gets a minor cut it bleeds like crazy. You don't mess around with Coumadin. As my father argues with me he's on warfarin.....warfarin is the generic of Coumadin dad but keep telling yourself you aren't on Coumadin.
So anyway, he quit all of his therapies. "He's fine." He continues day in and day out to exhaust himself to the point of passing out on the couch by 8. But recently he's so fine he started to drink again. My dad has never been alcoholic, nor is he now. But he drinks watching sports, socially, etc. In the beginning it was sneaking an alcoholic drink here and there. Now it's drinking like he was before the stroke and seriously strong blood thinners. The past 4-6 times I've seen my father he was heavily under the influence. It's already a struggle with his short term memory, exhaustion, but add on alcohol it's really hard.
Then he refuses to try and get better. He says it causes his headaches to be worse the more he tries to use his head. The more he works his brain the more connections he's going to rebuild. Last Sunday I asked him what he did to make himself so exhausted (mind you i could tell he'd had a few drinks to where he was tipsy too). He asked me if I 'really wanted him to try to remember?' I said, "yes." After ten minutes and a bunch of coaching from my step-mom he basically remembered he worked out in the morning. That's the one part of his routine that hasn't changed in pretty much a decade - so it's a long term memory.
When I realize this, I begin to ask myself does he remember my family visited him? Does he remember what we did or said? I can't dwell on these questions too long for I get upset. I'm still thankful to have my dad. He may be different in a way, but he's still my dad. I just wish he'd see things from another point of view rather than his stubborn one. He tells me all the time how much he cares and loves me, but yet when we do the same his stubbornness pushes us away. Maybe someday he'll see it all, hopefully not too late.
